Be mine? Be men!

I heard this morning that, apparently, men choose Valentine's gifts, not out of love, but out of fear. Really? Yes, evidently men are not good at choosing what their Valentines want, and are afraid of making a mistake. Which is why so many men stick with "safe" gifts like jewelry, flowers and candy.

Wow! So much for "It's the thought that counts.", huh?

Well, men, I'm here to let you in on a little secret. Valentine's Day (like many other holidays) is a money-making invention of retailers designed to make your girl want gifts, and to make you feel obligated to give them. What? You already knew that? Well, that's not the secret. The secret is that you don't have to do it!

"Yeah, right!", you're saying. Like that wouldn't get me sentenced to sleeping on the couch for a month! But that's the fear talking, and we're gonna overcome the fear, right? So take a deep breath, and keep reading. I promise this is gonna make you a hero to your sweetheart.

Your focus here needs to move away from staying out of trouble towards knocking her socks off!

First, you need to understand that she doesn't really want your gift, she wants you. She wants your attention. She wants to know you care about her. She wants to know you love her. Your gift is merely a token of your love, so if it's going to mean anything, it must be given out of love, not fear. If you give her flowers, once a year, on Valentine's Day, and feel you've done your duty, then your wife will know the romance is dead long before the flowers fade away.

But knowing she wants you, not your gift, gives you tremendous opportunity to think outside the box of chocolates! This is where you get to tell Pro Flowers, "In spite of your 'Only 1 more day to save 15%', I'll decide when to buy flowers for her, thank you very much!"



If you're thinking, "This sounds dangerous.", trust me. You can do this! Another deep breath, and stay with me.

Be creative! Don't feel bound by tradition. After all, your girl is unique, so you don't want her to feel ordinary. Let her know you put some thought into it, rather than following the crowd. But before you get too carried away, a little caution. With your gift you will also be delivering a message, and you want the message to be the right one. For instance, Valentine's Day is probably not the right time to buy her a bowling ball, or a gym membership. Think it through, and, as well as you can, think like she does.

For young men, traditional gifts are probably wise. You want to build a foundation of success before taking big risks. However, traditional gifts can be given in a creative manner. I once negotiated with a local florist for delivery of flowers to my wife every week of the year (beginning on Valentine's Day), and paid for it in 3 installments. By doing so, I made a big impression on her for a substantially reduced price.

While we're on the subject, here's a few tips on flower buying.

1. Buy roses from a florist, not a supermarket. And preferably buy them in person. You can't smell  flowers that you buy over the phone or online. A rose that smells like a rose is worth the price, these days.
2. Valentine's Day and Mother's Day are the most expensive time to buy flowers. If you must buy them for the holiday, buy them early and have them delivered a few days ahead of the date. You'll beat the rush and the markup. If you can, buy them after the holiday when the prices go down.
3. The colors of roses have a particular meaning, so make sure you know what your rose is telling her.  Everyone knows that red roses are for love, but if you want to be different, buy lavender roses which signify "enchantment".

For older men, who have proven themselves, you can be more adventurous. Since your love is established, you can be adventurous and still be safe. Since you know she wants you, give her something that she will share with you, such as dance lessons, or tickets to the opera. But make sure it's something she wants to do, since it's for her. Of course, risky moves sometimes give undesirable results (surprising her with chocolate body paint might produce more comedy than romance). But even if it falls flat, what she will remember is how you were willing to risk looking like a fool to please her. Women love that!

Remember, you are the man! You are the master of your fate, not Hallmark. I have always felt the worst time to show a woman that you love her is when it's expected. Tell me how you can look thoughtful when everyone else is saying, "I love you.", too? That being said, you probably don't want her to be the only one on the planet not being loved on Valentine's Day. So, what do you do?


My solution to this dilemma is simple: Give her something on Valentine's Day that says, "Here's a little something to whet your appetite, but the best is yet to come." By doing this, you accomplish 3 important things:

1. You don't neglect her when she's expecting to receive something.
2. You create an anticipation for more (a gift in itself).
3. When you deliver later, she'll feel exceptional, because she's the only one receiving attention.

Of course, there is no single recipe for romancing a woman. But that's what makes the endeavor so worthwhile. Women are a mystery, and who doesn't love a mystery? So channel your inner Sherlock Holmes, and get to work.

But remember: Don't be an extra in your own love story. Be the leading man!